I let myself down

July 4, 2023

I lasted one day. One fucking day. I’m feeling terrible about it, like complete failure. I could burst into tears. I have to be stronger than this. I’m determined to keep trying.

I took a day off work today, and last night I used it as an excuse to drink. It’s a fucking pathetic excuse. I wrestled with my mind all day until I smahed the “fuck it” button and went to the shop for some cans. I feel dreadful about it today, I could literally cry.

I need to be stronger than this. I give in to the cravings too easily. It’s an overwhelming feeling to not be in control of something and I’m really struggling with it. It’s a feeling of utter helplessness to want to stop doing something, but not being able to. It’s a vicious circle that is fueled by self-loathing.

I need to stop finding excuses to drink, I need to be kinder to myself. I won’t be drinking tonight, I can say that with certianty.