Sixteen days!
I’ve held off posting because I was so scared I’d fail, but I have managed 16 days sober. It hasn’t been easy, but I got there! I can’t tell you how happy I am. It feels so good to have broken the loop.
So, how did I do it?
I was feeling so motivated after my last post. I got to the weekend, and I had two choices. I celebrate my Monday to Thursday sobriety by “treating myself”, or I power through the weekend. If ever there was a perfect week to stop drinking, this was the one.
I called in sick to work so I didn’t have the additional stress of working in a high-pressure job. My wife was working at the weekend, so I’d need to be up early anyway with the kids, and I had an appointment with the recovery service on Friday at 3 pm. I also hadn’t drunk during the week and felt motivated.
I went to the gym as usual on Friday morning, and I usually pop into Morrisons afterwards to pick up some lunch. While I was there, I picked up some alcohol-free beer. As soon as it was paid for, I knew I wasn’t drinking. I had committed. I certainly wasn’t going to waste a tenner on alcohol-free stuff and buy more. By the way, a tenner for alcohol-free stuff is more expensive than buying some alcohol. I couldn’t quite believe that!
It felt weird not to drink on Friday, but I tried to keep myself busy, so I wasn’t thinking about it. I had absolutely blitzed myself at the gym because I wanted to be knackered, and it worked. I had a few alcohol-free beers, played a bit of Fortnite with my sister and her partner and then called it an early night.
I did exactly the same on Saturday night. I bought some alcohol-free beer and had an early night. When I woke up on Sunday, I cried. Balled my little eyes out. I had fucking done it. I had gone seven days without a drink. Typing this out, I am still incredibly proud to have done it.
Week two
I didn’t find it difficult not to drink during the second week. Well, at least on the weekdays. I found it really hard last weekend. I’ve been having wild cravings. I’ve been less motivated this week. I mean, I’m still motivated. But nowhere near as motivated as I was the first week.
I went to a smart recovery group with my two brothers on Monday. I hate group stuff, so this was out of my comfort zone. I’m glad I went, though. It was good to hear other people’s perspectives. I’ll definitely try it again. Those groups can serve as extra motivation and a mechanism for inspiration.
I’ve been poorly, so I found the weekend a slog, but I bought my alcohol-free beers and saw it through. I was really pleased to have made it to two weeks, and I’m feeling optimistic about week 3. I’m hoping the cravings start to reduce as time goes on.
I had to pick some milk up the other day, and when I walked into the shop I usually buy my alcohol, I made a b-line for the alcohol. It was this weird muscle memory, and only when I picked up a bottle of Peroni did I realise what I was doing. I’m laughing about it now, but it was a strange feeling at the time.
I’ve had unsettling thoughts about never drinking again. It freaks me out. I still can’t see my life without alcohol in it. For too long, it has played its part. I’m trying to take it one day at a time. It’s the only thing stopping me from worrying too much about it.